Leadership Coaching Tip: Getting to the Heart of Communication: Being with Perception

Sabijn Dullaart

Sabijn DullaartYou are a business leader. You want to change the culture of your company. Engaging and motivating your people is a key factor. Where do you start? What do you need? Where to go first? The answer is, start with communication. What do you need to get there? Ask your coach! First develop your own capacity to communicate and learn to perceive, to observe others.

The first step to deepen the quality of communication is to bypass the context, the issue. We always tend to start with stories, issues and endless introductions. Cut the crap and focus on the person itself. What do you notice? What is important to them? Focus your energy there.

The second step is to bypass the temptation of being impressed by the success factors of our talented people and on what they have accomplished so far. Forget about all that! Go beyond the great capacities and successful behaviour. Focus on the blinking eye. When does the eye lighten up? What words do resonate, causing a rush of blood? What does make this person tick? If you arrive there, the temperature can rise, the voice will change slightly, the head becomes quiet, the heart opens up. The vibration between you and the other person starts to grow. All are signals of entering your zone of perception.

Once at the heart of communication, the challenge is to stay in there as long as possible. As with our own nature, we tend to be distracted by other peoples’ inner critics, saboteurs and limited assumptions. How do you notice? The energy goes down, the liveliness will disappear and distance comes into the conversation. If so, don’t panic. You just need to build up your perception spectrum, again and again. And again, if necessary.

Why would you go into the heart of communication? Why would you get your hands dirty with the tricky sticky zone of perception where you are being with others where they are? Why not play safe, be in control, act professionally? It depends on what you want. If you choose to be perceptive, you open up the capacity to clearly see another person. Being seen for who we are is the most engaging and motivating power button of our time. It is what drives us. It is our core commodity. Everybody has it.

Sabijn Dullaart is a CTI trained business coach (associated with the International Coaches Federation ICF) based in Amsterdam. Besides her individual coaching she develops and leads workshops on leadership, coaching skills, employability, high sensitivity phenomena e.a.. Sabijn works as independent trainer and coach, active in networks and practitioners circles such as ‘The Center for Human Emergence’, ‘InnerWizard’, ‘Dutch Co-Active Coaches’, the ‘CTI & SNR Dutch Coaching Platform’.